Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries helps you give yourself honor, respect, and also set the expectations of how you will be treated. In return, you will treat others the way you expect to be treated. If people unknowing/knowingly disrespect your boundaries, you will inform them that they are crossing a boundary and give them an opportunity to adjust. If they continually and consistently disrespect your boundaries (which shows little regard for you), then the message that they are communicating with you is that they don’t care about you. But you are learning to care about yourself, which is why your boundaries are there to help keep you on track, like lines on a road that help you stay in your lane. No one is welcome to crash into your lane when you are driving there. That’s why cars have lights, mirrors, horns, and signals to communicate with other drivers that it’s okay for them to get over into your lane- as long as it doesn’t mean causing an accident with you. In my section on Radical Acceptance, I shared some insights on areas in which to set boundaries that are also paramount for relapse prevention:
Boundaries
- Mental (Personal thoughts/opinions/ideas)
- Emotional (identifying, expressing, taking ownership of personal feelings. This
does not include taking ownership of the emotions of others) - Physical (Who is allowed around you, near you, or in your personal space.
Includes physical touch) - Sexual (Wanted vs. Unwanted sexual touch)
- Communication (What’s Okay vs. Not Okay in how you communicate or receive
communication from others) - Material (What’s Okay vs. Not okay to give/receive of your material belongings).
- Religious (What’s Okay vs. Not okay regarding expressing, disclosing, sharing
personal religious beliefs- or lack thereof!) - Financial (What’s Okay vs Not Okay in terms of spending, giving/receiving
money)
In each of these areas, ask yourself the following: What are my non-negotiables? What is absolutely never okay for me in terms of safety, respect, and well-being? These are your firm safety and respect boundaries. Then ask yourself “What is okay and not okay in my daily life? Are there any areas where I have compromised my safety, respect, or well-being, and that no longer is reflective of who I am or my current needs in life?” These are important areas to explore because here’s the honest truth: Healthy boundaries are one of the best gifts you can give yourself. They are purely about your well-being!
