Let’s talk about what Radical Acceptance is not. It is not a submissive, helpless, doormat existence. Radical acceptance is not about resigning ourselves to negative beliefs, people, or circumstances. Radical Acceptance is about viewing your present reality with compassion and clarity. Using radical acceptance as a daily lifestyle choice has personally helped me find the clarity to release burdens I thought I had to carry, find empowerment to focus my intentions only on what’s in my power to act upon, set and maintain healthy boundaries, and decrease my daily stress. It helps me stay centered and grounded, and I believe it can do the same for you.
I encourage you to continue to do more personal exploration about how radical acceptance can work for you. I will leave you with one more story about the power of radical acceptance.
An individual once told me that they were concerned about expressing a difficult truth to a loved one. They had been burned by this loved one repeatedly. While people within their family acknowledged the individual was hurtful, they kept telling the individual to give their loved one another chance. “I don’t know what to do” they said. “Everyone is telling me to forget the past, but they literally just disappointed me again last week.”
I looked at them and said “I don’t touch hot stoves. I don’t enjoy getting burned. Accidents happen, but I especially don’t like when I already know the stove is hot. For me, the only time I am in a hot kitchen is if I choose to do the cooking.”
The person thought for a moment and replied “I can put me first. I never put me first. I don’t have to do anything if it puts me in harms way. I can’t make people see what I want them to see, but I can decide how I deal with things and what’s really good for me. And if I choose to give this person another chance and I get burned, I made that decision and I can’t blame anyone for that. I just decided to give them another chance, and that was my choice. I also can choose to just move on because this doesn’t need to take over my life. Honestly, there are other things going on and I have bigger fish to fry.”
I smiled. “You got it,” I said. “That’s a life of radical acceptance in this situation. You can’t control other people. You decide who gets to interact with you and develop connections with you. You can’t change the past and you can choose how to respond today for what’s best for your needs.”
To summarize, a radical acceptance lifestyle gives you three things: Opportunity to take care of you. Empowerment to do what you can. Permission to release the rest.
