Denial can be a huge barrier to growth and healing. Radical Acceptance gives us the opportunity to manage uncomfortable truths head-on rather than blaming, shaming, stuffing, using, or avoiding them. I am not here to lie to you: This is one of the most challenging areas in life- And it is absolutely necessary for healing. Accepting exceedingly difficult realities—whether our emotions, relationships, employment, family needs, or other life circumstances—can lead to greater self-awareness and personal empowerment.
The family session came to an end. The therapist performed their duties well, considering the active attempts to dismantle the session by Family Member 2. Family member 1 and I came to a better understanding of one another. As we all left the front office doors and entered the parking lot, Family Member 2 looked at me and said, “Welp, wanna go get something to eat?” I looked at them and just stared with a flat expression, having no more energy to give this person. They acted like the entire family session, the session that I wanted after being hospitalized for a suicide attempt, was a major inconvenience. I finally saw reality: I realized that while they had been in denial in the family session, I also had been in denial about the years-long reality of this relationship dynamic. My denial was in the form of minimization- not minimizing them, but minimizing me. I had minimized my own worth and value for years. With that minimization, I rationalized that it was my duty as a family member to carry the abusive weight of this person for years. I had tried to save and rescue them. I had tried to overcompensate for their lack. I had tried to prove, express, and convey my love and devotion to them. I remember thinking “I spent all these years carrying this load of bricks for this person and for what? They may never change.” Being connected with that moment of realization, coupled with a willingness to see and accept reality, gave me what I truly needed from the session- Release! I had an opportunity to release believing and feeling like it was an absolute truth that I had to take responsibility for this individual. As they awaited my response to if I wanted to eat with them, all I could muster was “No…I don’t think so.” Skeptical of my answer, they replied “You don’t want to go get something to eat with me?” “No,” I answered, this time more confidently. I understood that I wasn’t just saying no to the individual. I was also saying no to my denial, which took forms of minimization and rationalization. In exchange for saying “No,” I was released into the power to say yes to me for the first time in this relationship dynamic. Radical Acceptance helped me break through denial and take hold of a new liberation.
